| jokes for billclinton, blondes, and you mama r all here | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| all the jokes you can think of over 200 jokes | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died. Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number! Yo momma so old her social security number is 1! Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch' Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks! Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook! Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel. Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch. Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs. Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade. Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything". YO Momma Jokes SO HAIRY Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth! Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples! Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buckwheat in a headlock. Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture! Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan. Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice. Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money. Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911" Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K." Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean! Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home. Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund. Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics." Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind. Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN" Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her... Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions! Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!" Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!" Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint roller Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn" Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock. Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code! Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen! Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved! Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg. Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky! Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her! Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side! Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections! Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose. Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball! Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar! Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell! Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!! Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book! Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views! Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil! Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon! Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips! Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand! Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper! Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out! Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights! Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car! Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out! Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans! Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!" Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway! Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller! Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it! Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck! Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground. Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep. Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo momma so fat she influences the tides. Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out. Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World. Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips. Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones. Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas. Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes. Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket. Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back! Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial. Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose. Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean..... Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse. Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl. Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean. Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway. Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!! Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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YO MAMA JOKES | Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died. Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number! Yo momma so old her social security number is 1! Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch' Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks! Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook! Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it. Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel. Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch. Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs. Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade. Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything". YO Momma Jokes SO HAIRY Yo momma so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth! Yo momma so hairy she's got afros on her nipples! Yo momma so hairy she look like she got Buckwheat in a headlock. Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture! Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan. Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice. Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money. Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911" Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K." Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean! Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home. Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund. Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics." Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind. Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN" Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her... Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop! Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions! Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!" Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!" Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint roller Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn" Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock. Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs! Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code! Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen! Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved! Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her! Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago... Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg. Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky! Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her! Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side! Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections! Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER! Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose. Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball! Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar! Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell! Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!! Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book! Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views! Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil! Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon! Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips! Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand! Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper! Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out! Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights! Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car! Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out! Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans! Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!" Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway! Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller! Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it! Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck! Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo. Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground. Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep. Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck. Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. Yo momma so fat she influences the tides. Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out. Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her. Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World. Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family! Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips. Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones. Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas. Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops. Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes. Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket. Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back! Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial. Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose. Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean..... Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse. Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl. Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean. Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway. Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. YO MAMA JOKES Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!! Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet. BLONDE JOKES How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday. How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? Both are empty from the neck up. What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row? A wind tunnel. If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first? The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter. What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear? �Thanks for the refill! Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better. How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer? There'll be white-out on the screen. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to put information into a computer once. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off of a cliff. How does a blonde do a High-Five? She smacks herself in the forehead. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To try and catch everything that's over their heads. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A dope ring. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. Why do blondes always die before help arrives? They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Their heads always get stuck in the jar. Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages. Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes? Toes Go In First. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? That's where you wash vegetables. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in a handicapped zone. Why dont blondes get coffee breaks? It takes too long to re-train them. What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside? A brain tumor. What did the blonde call her zebra? Spot. What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common. You often hear about them, but you never see one. Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.? Because they can't spell it. How many blonde jokes are there? None, they're all true. What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have? Artificial intelligence. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes. How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted. What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan? I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly. What's the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blondes. Why did the blonde freeze in the winter? Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season. Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.? With a tire gauge. How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear. What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident? �I'll go and call 911, what's the number? What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech? A blonde driving through a flashing red light. What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air? Collecting her thoughts. What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress. What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever. Why do blondes wear a ponytail? To hide the valve stem. How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? She has a checkbook. How do you keep a blonde busy? Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&M's. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them. What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory? Proofreading. Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop. What do blondes and cow pies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. What is the mating call of a blonde? I'm soooo drunk! What is the mating call of an ugly blonde? I said, �I'm drunk! What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet? Why do blondes always fail driver's tests? Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat. What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant? Is it mine? What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date? If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home! What does a blonde use for birth control? Brown hair-dye. How does a blonde like her eggs? Unfertilized. What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning? 1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home. One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them. Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them. A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years. One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home. A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground. Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first, her friends didn't exist. Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that! I once knew a suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hands. A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve. One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up and said, Where? On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors asked her what had happened, she said that she had caught her boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to retaliate by blowing his car up. A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked at her driver's license and saw that she had an �F' in sex. Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep track of 'em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their last names. A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE @$#&! ICE RINK! Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of them decides to call 911. Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to change a light bulb. Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in? B: Yes. O: Is the power in the house turned on? B: Of course! O: And the switch is on? B: Yes, yes! O: And the bulb still won't light up? B: Actually, the bulb's working fine. O: Then what's the problem? B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell off and hurt ourselves. Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back. After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned. Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going. Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios? Ahh, donut seeds! What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch? A brunette that told too many blonde jokes (grin). How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner. How does a blonde confuse you? She tells you she did. How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday? Tell her a joke on Monday. How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves? She fell out of the tree. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? Both are empty from the neck up. What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row? A wind tunnel. If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first? The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter. What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear? �Thanks for the refill! Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better. How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer? There'll be white-out on the screen. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to put information into a computer once. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off of a cliff. How does a blonde do a High-Five? She smacks herself in the forehead. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To try and catch everything that's over their heads. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A dope ring. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. Why do blondes always die before help arrives? They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Their heads always get stuck in the jar. Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages. Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes? Toes Go In First. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? That's where you wash vegetables. What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in a handicapped zone. Why dont blondes get coffee breaks? It takes too long to re-train them. What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside? A brain tumor. What did the blonde call her zebra? Spot. What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common. You often hear about them, but you never see one. Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.? Because they can't spell it. How many blonde jokes are there? None, they're all true. What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have? Artificial intelligence. How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes. How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted. What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan? I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly. What's the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blondes. Why did the blonde freeze in the winter? Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season. Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.? With a tire gauge. How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear. What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident? �I'll go and call 911, what's the number? What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech? A blonde driving through a flashing red light. What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air? Collecting her thoughts. What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other? An air mattress. BILL CLINTON JOKES Once Bill Clinton visited a elementary school to talk to a group of 3rd graders. He said to them, "Today we are going to discuss the difference between a tragedy, a great loss and an accident". Then he said, "Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out in the street after a ball and gets hit by a car." Clinton says, "No, that would be an accident. Can anyone else try?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a busload of kids drove off a cliff." Clinton says, "No, that would be a great loss. Come on, anyone else?" A boy raises his hand and says and says, "If you and Mrs. Clinton was on a plane and it blew up." Then Clinton says, "Well, Yes, but can you tell me why it would be considered a tragedy?" And the little boy says, "Well, it wouldn't have been an accident, and it sure as heck wouldn't have been a great loss." What is Bill's idea of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town. Mr. Reagen, Mr. Bush and Mr. Clinton are on the Titanic. Mr. Reagen says, "Save the Women!" Mr. Bush says, "Screw the women!" Mr. Clinton says, "Do we have Time?!" Hillary Clinton hired a new intern for Bill. Lorena Bobbit The country seems to be doing pretty good -- everybody's got a job, money is up, lot of houses. How many people care that the President's having sex? Does it bother anybody? See, that's basically the difference between the Republicans and the Democrats . The Republicans are after your money, the Democrats are after your sister. The former Surgeon General was discussing who is the easiest to operate on with some friends. One surgeon said engineers were the easiest to operate on because their insides were color coded. One surgeon said librarians were the easiest because their insides were arranged in alphabetical order. Elders said that Clinton was the easiest person to operate on by far. He has no guts, no spine, no heart and this dick and brain are interchangeable! every 50th person that veiws this page gets there name on the top of the page
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